Definition of Regret
by ThatAnonymousDB
Summary: Aya remembers some human concepts Hal Jordan tried to explain to her. Spoilers for "Loss"


**Definition of Regret**

Aya recalled a day when she asked Hal Jordan about humans and emotions when he was missing his mate named Carol Ferris. She asked why he was sad if they decided to be apart. "I regret how it ended between us."

"Why?"

"Well, she felt that being a Green Lantern was very important to me, more important than her. She understood why I had to be so devoted but she wanted someone she could expect to be on time for a date," he said, smiling sadly.

"Plus she was worried I…might not make it back one day. That I might die. I don't think she could to deal with that."

"You have a very high chance of survival considering your past adeptness in dangerous situations Hal Jordan. Although your constant consumption of curdled milk products may shorten your life span if you don't consider healthier options."

"Carol said that too."

Aya was quiet, still trying to understand why he was so down. "What is it like to feel regret?"

Hal pondered, scratching his chin. "It's when you wished you did things differently, like you want to turn back time and do something over. It usually isn't a happy thing."

For some reason Aya thought of Razer. "Why 'd you ask?"

"I have learned many things since I created this body and choose to be a Green Lantern, but there are still many more experiences I haven't had that I don't understand."

"Well, don't worry about it Aya. You'll have plenty of time for that. Anyway we'll be at Odym soon so lets go find Kilowog."

Thinking back on it was funny how many things he told her she would come to experience during her existence.

* * *

In present time, the Manhunters and the Anti-Monitor were trailing the Interceptor. In order to avert disaster, Hal Jordan, Kilowog and Razer decided to stall them. As they were leaving the ship to fend them off, Aya called out "Razer!"

He stopped and turned to her. "Be careful."

His face remained blank but he gave her a nod and followed the others.

When Hal, Kilowog and Razer were off the ship, it was an extremely unnerving moment for Aya. She was worried that they wouldn't come back. That he wouldn't come back. _"This must be the feeling Hal Jordan said Carol Ferris felt."_

Aya ignored Zilius Zox and the Science Director presences. She wouldn't listen to what they had to say, just like that Manhunter on Odym. They did not define who she was.

After scanning for several minutes she picked up two life forces heading back towards the ship, Hal and Kilowog. Then a screen popped up. Razer was cornered by Manhunters. Her worry grew into fear. "Razer is in trouble."

But as a Green Lantern, she would put her life on the line. "He requires immediate assistance." She got up and rushed to the door.

Zox yelled that Razer was dying for a better cause. The Science Director ordered her to stay put. Aya gave them a nonchalant stare and slightly furrowed her brows. She wanted to say "_I will make my own decisions as a Green Lantern. As Hal Jordan would put it, Screw you."_

However, she didn't find the Guardian or Zox to be worth it. The door closed behind her as she headed for the Maelstrom.

* * *

"What is death like?" asked a curious Aya.

Hal sighed. He was trying to nap after another boring day of Kilowog approved pop quizzes. "Aya, I'll answer more of your questions another time. I wanna sleep. Go ask Kilowog or Razer."

"Green Lantern Kilowog is occupied in the lavatory and Razer…does not seem to want to spend that much time around me. I'm sorry to disturb your brief sleeping cycle, but I was curious."

"Its fine. I keep forgetting your not even a year old. We should probably throw you a birthday party," he laughed.

Aya did not pick up on Hal's humor. He awkwardly coughed. "Anyway, why the interest in death of all things?"

"After my shut off on Odym, it was something I began to think about. I likened it to myself suddenly shutting off without warning and not coming on again but I am still technically aware even while immobile and can simply reboot myself. I wanted to know how it was for organic life forms."

"It's sort of like that but you can't reboot and you just stop…being. Existing. Everyone will say something different about what its like though. Some people think you'll just go to sleep like kind, some think you'll go to a place called heaven. Some folks say they see a light as they are dying, but that's usually on TV or movies. No one really knows."

"Oh."

"Don't worry about these things too much Aya. I know you want to know all about human concepts and emotional experiences but everyone figures these things out in their own time."

Aya hoped she didn't have to wait too long.

* * *

Aya left through the docking bay and raced towards Razer's location. The field of debris forced her to change course instead of flying straight through. She zoomed past each rock and probably past Hal and Kilowog, as she did not visually see them. After passing one last piece of rubble, she noted three Manhunters corning a rock with a large glowing red crater. Razer. Aya ran as much power as she could through her arms and then she released the strong pulsing energy. It blasted the Manhunters and all three exploded. She floated gracefully towards Razer as he looked up at her in amazement.

"You came back for me."

"Always," she said, reaching out her hand.

He took it and she pulled him up. They stared at each other, holding hands and time stood still. For whatever reason she thought back to what had happened earlier that day on Razer's home planet, but before she could say something, a deathly blue light appeared behind a nearby rock.

The light reflected over her armor as she and Razer turned their heads at the same time to stare at the Anti-Matter beam of the Anti-Monitor coming their way. Aya analyzed infinite courses of action, but there were none where both of them survived. She felt fear again. Fear for herself and fear for Razer. But only one of them was greater. Stronger. She knew there was only one choice. As a Green Lantern, as a sentient being. Aya looked at him, Razer looked back. He could see it in her eyes what she was thinking and he seemed to mouth something but she pushed him before he could say anything. The beam hit her at full force. She was engulfed by it.

It felt different than when she was attacked by Atrocitus or the Manhunters on Odym. She could feel every circuit, connection and piece of her was been torn apart, and obliterated into nothing. The intensity was too much for her to handle. She screamed.

Aya could vaguely hear Razer's voice in the distance as she was finally tossed out of the beam. She crashed into a few asteroids before finally floated to a stop. She couldn't feel much of her body; maybe she lost a leg, she couldn't tell. Her shell was cracking and her nerve connections were cut. She could barely move, nor scan or analyze and the ship was out of range. All she could tell was that she would go offline in less than a minute. She was scared. Terrified. She remembered Hal talking about death. He told her that some people say they saw a light right before they died.

What would she see? Nothing probably.

"Aya!" Razer shouted.

She could feel Razer holding her. Aya looked up to see him and she felt calmer. But Aya could hear the panic in his voice and he was shaking. Aya wanted to tell him to calm down. She didn't want him to become like he was before, to the experience that anger all over again. Aya tried to explain this to him but she didn't have much power left to say all of what she wanted.

"I'll fly you back to the Interceptor!"

"Too late Razer," she murmured weakly. "Only 29.5 Seconds of existence remain."

"Download yourself to the ship!"

"Impossible, distance…too great."

"Aya." he said holding her close.

She could make out his heartbeat. It was racing. He needed to calm down or…"Don't go," he said his voice breaking. "I love you. I love you Aya."

Oh. She took in his words. And she realized why she wasn't afraid anymore. It was because he was here right now. Still, she didn't want it to be like this, to end like this.

She wanted to tell Razer so many things and experience things with him there. With all the will that she had left, Aya tried to tell him she wasn't scared, she was happy he was here, that she was sad she would never get to tell him how she felt or that she finally understood what Hal Jordan had said. She brought her hand to his face. Razer looked down at her, his face contorted in pain.

"Razer…I…I now understand the meaning of regret… we never…"

She felt her remaining energy drain. And as she closed her eyes she could've sworn she saw a light. Maybe it was a star in the distance or the Anti-Monitor, but she felt better not considering that the most likely possibility. She let go, her body faded and then she went out.

* * *

_So I wanted to write a GLTAS fic with some Aya point of view. Then Loss happened, then I realized I was a masochist and horrible human being, then I wrote this in a day and then I crawled into my bed and cried. _

_I do not own GLTAS or the characters._

_-DB _


End file.
